Non-assertive behaviours
Workplace communication is a balancing act. If you’re in too much of a hurry to get your point across, or too forceful in the way you do so, you’ll turn people off. If you hang back too much or don’t speak up, nobody will listen to you. The point of equilibrium in between – being heard while still hearing others – is assertive communication.
But like all acts of balance, it’s easy to wobble. If you see any of the following behaviours in the workplace (or display them yourself) it’s not “assertive”, however justified they may feel in the moment…
- Expressing your thoughts, feelings and beliefs in a way that pays no regard to the thoughts, feelings or beliefs of others.
- Ignoring other people’s opinions or input.
- Acting as if your opinions (and therefore you) are more important than those of other people.
- Refusing a reasonable request without reason or explanation.
- Demanding more than you’re entitled to (according to what has been previously agreed).
- Speaking or acting in anger.
- Staying silent when you see a problem that will cause difficulties down the line.
- Refusing to listen.
- Complaining non-specifically.
- Raising your voice in order to drown out someone else.
- Sudden emotional outbursts.
- Using reductive labels to refer to others.
- Expressing opinions as if they are facts.
- Withholding solutions (or helpful, relevant knowledge).
- Dominating the time available for discussion, refusing others the opportunity to contribute.
- Refusing to calmly discuss, negotiate or compromise.
- Making threats.
- Telling others what they ‘should’, ‘must’, or ‘ought to’ do.
- Speaking down or using a condescending tone (regardless of how reasonable the words spoken might seem).
- Interrupting or talking over others.
- Showing disagreement with sarcasm, jokes or put-downs.
- Finding fault with everything.
- Moaning or blaming others without making suggestions (no complaints without recommendations!)
- Letting someone else do any of the above to you.
So, what is assertiveness?
Respectfully putting forward your point of view in a way that adds value to the conversation can be assertive.
Setting out your boundaries, while respecting the boundaries of others can be assertive.
Politely (and firmly) refusing something that is outside of your scope, responsibility or capacity can be assertive.
Disagreeing in a way that doesn’t diminish the person you’re disagreeing with can be assertive.
In other words, assertiveness can be a nuanced and complex concept that is often misunderstood (sometimes wilfully). To dive deeper into what is acceptable and useful assertive behaviour in the workplace, why not check out our free taster webinar on 6th December 2024, at 10:00am? Sign up here or, if you’re interested in assertiveness training or coaching for your organisation, give us a call on 01582 463460; we’re here to help.
